Cowboys thank Falcons for letting them stay alive in the Bird Gauntlet

The Dallas Cowboys chicken fried the Atlanta Falcons in the Bird Gauntlet.

The Dallas Cowboys died in the Bird Gauntlet, but the Atlanta Falcons brought them back to life.

Leave it to a team notorious for blowing leads to do what they do. Not even four first-half fumbles and a Mike McCarthy boneheaded decision to go for two points down nine could stop the Almighty Dan Quinns from not being about the ball.

They let the Cowboys take that onside kick from them, just like Atlanta let Canada take two NHL teams from it. I guess some things aren’t that important.

This is not what Jimmy V envisioned when it came to survive and advance.

There’s never a wrong time for Twitter to try to fire Dan Quinn. I tried half-dozen times last year, and it didn’t work. When Zac Brown sang about liking a little bit of chicken fried and a cold beer on a Friday night, this was not what he was talking about. Dallas will probably die next week in Run 2 of the Bird Gauntlet vs. the Seattle Seahawks, but I will forever hate that I love Atlanta.

This is Buhler’s Way Off…

Sam Darnold is seeing the ghost of himself in the mirror, and Adam Gase is not okay.

I never said I’d lie and wait forever for Sam Darnold to be good. Well, he’s not and Adam Gase is not o-f*****g-kay. As the New York Jets prepare their famous last words before being officially crossed off as a playoff-contending team, what’s the worst thing I could say? Things are better if Gase stays? So long and goodnight, Gang Green.

When the ghost of you is you and you can’t look at yourself in the mirror, how can you be honest with yourself? Teenagers may scare the living s**t out of us, but there’s nothing more frightening than a delusional Jets fan calling into WFAN on Monday afternoon after another pitiful showing. Save yourself, dog. I’ll hold them back tonight.

I hate myself for booing you, Carson Wentz.

We’ve waited all day for Sunday night afternoon. Though we didn’t get a cherry bomb of a performance out of Carson Wentz, I hate myself for booing you. It’s abundantly clear we don’t give a damn about the Philadelphia Eagles fanbase’s bad reputation, but I can’t go for that. Congratulations, FOX. You made all of our dreams come true with some epic fake crowd boos.

Three years ago, we saw Jason Kelce give the greatest parade speech of all time in a Mummers costume. Now we have fake fans booing their former No. 2 overall pick like he’s No. 2.

Additionally, a No. 2 pencil resides in Motown, adjacent to a laminated playsheet. The Detroit Lions are a mess.

The Dude of the Week, Man: A boy named Goo grew up to be Josh Allen, sorry about your name.

Give a little bit of your love to the Buffalo Bills this week. They’re 2-0 and the little boy named Goo grew up real fast. I promised I wouldn’t tell no one your name, but I guess I have to now, bruh, because you’re The Dude of the Week, Man, Josh Allen. I just want the world to know who you are. Admittedly, this is stranger than the sympathy I felt for you on Draft Day two years ago.

You made the Miami Dolphins cry and made me have to consider force-benching my bearded doppleganger genius brother Ryan Fitzpatrick. Though I don’t only wanna be with you, you pretty much hit a golf ball into the Blowfish’s collective blow hole on Sunday. You were great, but too bad Tua Tagovailoa is a marine biologist from Hawaii ready to win with the laces out, Dan!

Jeff Fisher 7-9 B.S.: Sorry Ma, forgot to take out the Kirk Cousins trash

Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever. When Shane Falco was a replacement player for the Washington Sentinels, he gave us a more awe-inspired performance than whatever Kirk Cousins laid on the field today. On Any Given Sunday, Tony D’Amato may give you a great speech about inches, but on this Sunday, Cousins gave us an Ooh-wee letdown and we didn’t like that.

Children by the million may have sung for Alex Chilton to come around, but they’re not doing that for Cousins tonight. Minnesota Vikings fans can’t hardly wait for Captain Kirk to be benched. It might be a little left of the dial to bench your starting quarterback before the end of September, but if you will dare, I will dare. You be me for a while and I’ll be you, Mike Zimmer, and bench him.

Next: Andy Reid deserves an Applebee’s decal on his face shield

So did we learn anything this week? Again, BWO isn’t about learning things.

The sword is always mightier than the pen here. What Week 2 reaffirmed is JETS is an acronym for Just End The Season, nobody boos their own players like Eagles fans and the Falcons can never be trusted with a lead.

28-3 foreshadowed them Dirty Birds bringing America’s Team back to life in the Bird Gauntlet.

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