Patrick Mahomes signed for $500 million, give this bear $1 billion
We found a Bear who can run faster than Devin Hester in his prime, and he knows which end zone to run towards to boot. If there was ever a solution to the NFL’s lack of a COVID-19 safety protocol, it’s to allow our animal friends to play football while the rest of us sit at home and watch. Sure, it won’t be as cute as the puppy bowl, and we’re putting referees in harm’s way, but who says there needs to be rules anyway? All camera-work is controlled by drones, no fans in the stadium and broadcasting is done remotely. Who says no?
Thus far we have found 1 (one) bear which is definitely down, and we can assure you he’s already better than Mitchell Trubisky.
This bear is the next great NFL star
Would I pass over Deshaun Watson and Patrick Mahomes for this ferocious feline? Absolutely.
The bear even runs towards the corner of the end zone, as if fending off a safety in the open field in preparation to dive for the pylon. In fact, who needs an entire league? Chicago and Detroit can play every week. Actual Bears vs Actual Lions would garner a greater viewing audience than whatever Thanksgiving game Detroit was bound to lose anyway.
With Ryan Pace and Mat Nagy potentially on the hot seat, what do they have to lose? If you’re going down, do so swinging and make NFL history by giving your team both a mascot and a star running back. It’s an idea too brilliant not to work.
Are we desperate for a return to sports? Yes. Have I gone senile? Probably. Sign the bear.