America rejoices: Trevor Lawrence will not play for the New England Patriots

NCAA Football, New England Patriots

Trevor Lawrence won’t be playing for the New England Patriots. Celebrate!

When Kool and The Gang wrote “Celebration”, a moment like this is what they were referring to.

The world is a cruel, cruel, cruel, unforgiving place. Because one Jet-y New York Jet decided to knock Drew Bledsoe out of a game back in 2001, the New England Patriots had a 20-year dominance over the NFL unlike any franchise ever before them. With Tom Brady at quarterback, the Patriots won 18 division titles, nine AFC Championships and six Super Bowls in 20 years.

But after one score and seven scandals ago, Brady broke up with his head coach Bill Belichick and took his talents to South Beach the Florida Gulf Coast. Brady took with him his trusted tight end Rob Gronkowski and the Tompa Bay Gronkaneers were born. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers became oddly powerful, while the Patriots looked to be weak and powerless, or so we thought…

On Sunday evening, Belichick pulled a fast one on us that we all could have seen coming. He’s smart than you and everyone in your family. That’s why he ended up with Cam Newton as the newest quarterback on his football team. He just landed a former NFL MVP and Heisman Trophy winner that seemingly no other team wanted. So who’s laughing now?

Right now, it would be Belichick, as he just forced his team back into the AFC East division title conversation. Sean McDermott must be so mad right now in Western New York. Brian Flores should have known better down in Miami. Adam Gase has begun to pack his suitcase and just put his house on the market, as he’s done coaching Gang Green after 2020.

As the maniacal laughter cackles from the Foxborough Death Star known as One Patriot Place, we as Americans can pop open a bottle of champagne tonight. I mean, besides getting ready to get ready for the 4th of July, the biggest reason to celebrate is Clemson Tigers superstar Trevor Lawrence won’t be going to the Patriots any more. There is a hope in this sick world after all.

Trevor Lawrence won’t be a first-round pick by the New England Patriots.

But the Patriots just signed Newton and we’re going to unfortunately see them in the playoffs again. Why are we celebrating like we’re members of Newton’s extended family that he’s going to the Evil Empire? Because the long, tall, blonde golden son from Cartersville, Georgia won’t be playing for the Patriots, and that’s reason to celebrate if there ever was one.

Lawrence will be the No. 1 pick in the 2021 NFL Draft. He projects as the best quarterback prospect since Andrew Luck came out of Stanford in 2012. If he has a great season in Clemson this fall, we could be looking at the best quarterback prospect since Peyton Manning came out of Tennessee in 1998. Dare I say it, he may be as good as John Elway coming out of Stanford in 1983.

If you put that 6-foot-6 five-star quarterback on the Patriots, just cancel the NFL for the rest of time. Boston sports will become more obnoxious than Bill Simmons doing a deep-dive podcast on every Celtics championship to date. You could not find two large ice picks to jab into both of your eardrums simultaneously fast enough. Be happy you heard the good news before it was too late.

So in case you’re horrendous at connecting the dots, as it was never your thing in elementary school, the reason Lawrence won’t be going to the Patriots is because Newton’s arrival makes New England way too good to be in position to have the No. 1 pick. They may have more draft picks than Boston has Dunkin’ Donuts locations in a square mile, but he’s not going to be a Patriot!

So while that’s good for everybody that doesn’t love the Patriots, that may not be the best thing for Lawrence. He may have to go down to Duval and try to save the Jacksonville Jaguars from being relocated. And you thought Jason Mendoza loved Blake Bortles? Can you imagine what he’d think about Lawrence starring for London’s Finest? He’s just getting used to Gardner Minshew!

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Lawrence may end up in Jacksonville or on Newton’s former team in the Carolina Panthers. Surely, there are other landing spots for him. But for now, you can cross the Patriots off the board as a likely destination for him. By winning the Cam Newton sweepstakes than nobody wanted to win honestly, the Patriots have officially axed themselves from eternal golden sunshine. So, so sad.

Celebrate the good times because Lawrence isn’t going to be a Patriots, come on!

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